You know this has happened to you. You think you are looking all cute and then you see a picture of yourself, which says otherwise. This just happened to me over the weekend, and it might be the final straw in this ridiculous battle with myself to lose weight.
For some reason, I’ve had it in my head that I was one of those people who “hid” her weight. Ha ha, joke is on me. Took my son to a playdate on Saturday, thinking I looked pretty cute. To clarify, I did not think that I was magically skinny or smaller than I really am, but I did think that I looked OK. Flash forward to Sunday when I see pictures from the playdate. Holy moly, I’m huge. Looking at the pictures online and actually had to close the screen. I’m proud to say that I didn’t cry or anything, but mamma mia, I am most definitely not cute!
This is it. I have to do something. Hmm, how many times have I said that before? Well, I said it the last time I started working out. I said it the time before that when I rejoined Weight Watchers. I said it the time before that when I tried dieting on my own. I said it the time before that when I bought new workout DVDs. I think you get the picture.
So, what is going to be different this time? Honestly, I have no idea. I’d like to say that it will be the motivation to be healthy, but that hasn’t gotten me anywhere before. I’d like to say that it is the desire to be a good example for my kid, but he’s been around for 2 1/2 years and that hasn’t kicked me into gear yet. I’d like to say it is the desire to look good for my husband, but he’s been around for five years and hasn’t left me yet, so I don’t know about that one. Maybe the desire to not look in the mirror and cringe? Mirrors aren’t exactly a new invention, and that hasn’t worked either. Wanting clothes that fit? Check my closet. That hasn’t worked.
OK, now you have your tears. I guess it’s all of those things. I don’t want to be the fat mom or the fat friend anymore. I do want my husband to find me attractive. No, strike that. I want my husband to find me sexy! I do want to set a good example for my son. I do want to look in the mirror and maybe actually smile. I do want to walk down the street and not assume people are making fun of me.
So here it goes. I WILL get over the complete humiliation of being a fatty and actually do something about it.
I WILL lose 50 pounds. I WILL be healthy. I WILL be happy.