All posts by meless50

Just a regular ol' gal with a years-old weight problem; the problem being I've never met a food that I didn't like and haven't been able to commit to regular exercise. I love my son and husband 100 percent, and I am trying to do the same for myself.

Free Food=Must Eat?

What is it about getting free food that sends us (or at least me) on a feeding frenzy? I can’t tell you how many times I have eaten a full meal of my own, only to eat more because someone offers free food. A few weeks ago at work I had a complete breakfast of something I can’t remember, but I know I ate and that I was full. Maybe a few minutes later, I went to the office kitchen for coffee and some devil had put out four boxes of donuts. I wasn’t hungry, but it was free so I had to eat it, right? I started with just half a donut, but we know  how that little game ends up. I went back for the other half, and then another and another. Yep, after eating a full breakfast, I ate three whole donuts. All for no other reason than they were free.

So today I tried really hard to start eating better, and was doing well . . . until I got home from work. I picked my son up from daycare and found an entire bag of cookies in his cubby. You see, my kid is a human garbage machine and when they have extra food at his school (especially cookies and crackers), they send it home with him. (For the record, I also give to the school food that we are not going to eat.) While I appreciated the gesture, it presented quite the problem. A free bag of cookies that could not have come at a worse time. And so I ate. One cookie. Two cookies. Three cookies.

The drive home is about seven minutes, and I easily could have eaten 10 cookies in that time. But something strange happened; I stopped eating. So, OK, I had to consciously tell myself to stop eating and practically had to hit the fourth cookie out of my hand. I had to say out loud (and during Sesame ABCs CD, much to my son’s chagrin), “just because it is free does not mean you have to eat it.” And guess what? I didn’t.

So the next time the donuts come around, I might have one (or three), but I might not.

Let’s Roll! (no pun intended. well, maybe a little)

You know this has happened to you. You think you are looking all cute and then you see a picture of yourself, which says otherwise. This just happened to me over the weekend, and it might be the final straw in this ridiculous battle with myself to lose weight.

For some reason, I’ve had it in my head that I was one of those people who “hid” her weight. Ha ha, joke is on me. Took my son to a playdate on Saturday, thinking I looked pretty cute. To clarify, I did not think that I was magically skinny or smaller than I really am, but I did think that I looked OK. Flash forward to Sunday when I see pictures from the playdate. Holy moly, I’m huge. Looking at the pictures online and actually had to close the screen. I’m proud to say that I didn’t cry or anything, but mamma mia, I am most definitely not cute!

This is it. I have to do something. Hmm, how many times have I said that before? Well, I said it the last time I started working out. I said it the time before that when I rejoined Weight Watchers. I said it the time before that when I tried dieting on my own. I said it the time before that when I bought new workout DVDs. I think you get the picture.

So, what is going to be different this time? Honestly, I have no idea. I’d like to say that it will be the motivation to be healthy, but that hasn’t gotten me anywhere before. I’d like to say that it is the desire to be a good example for my kid, but he’s been around for 2 1/2 years and that hasn’t kicked me into gear yet. I’d like to say it is the desire to look good for my husband, but he’s been around for five years and hasn’t left me yet, so I don’t know about that one. Maybe the desire to not look in the mirror and cringe? Mirrors aren’t exactly a new invention, and that hasn’t worked either. Wanting clothes that fit? Check my closet. That hasn’t worked.

OK, now you have your tears. I guess it’s all of those things. I don’t want to be the fat mom or the fat friend anymore. I do want my husband to find me attractive. No, strike that. I want my husband to find me sexy! I do want to set a good example for my son. I do want to look in the mirror and maybe actually smile. I do want to walk down the street and not assume people are making fun of me.

So here it goes. I WILL get over the complete humiliation of being a fatty and actually do something about it.
I WILL lose 50 pounds. I WILL be healthy. I WILL be happy.

Here we are. July 10, 2010 Mommy and my angel. Spare tires and cankles are out in full force!