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Me, Less 50, Plus One

Welp, it’s out on Facebook so it’s public now.


Yep, it’s baby time in the Bahhar house!

I’m excited, can’t wait, blah blah. Honestly, I’m not thrilled with myself that I’m not in the healthiest place right now. It’s been seven years since I had my son, so really, I’ve had more than enough time to get my body ready. Over the years I’ve thought off and on about having more children, and I always thought that if the time came, I’d be in top shape.

I’m in almost the exact same place I was when I had Kalil. I mean, almost down to size and pound. With Kalil, it was a small struggle to conceive. Now I’m seven years older and at an “advance maternal age,” so when we decided to try again in February, I gave it until December and shop’s closed. I honestly did not think it was in the cards. Of course, five months and one positive test later, and here we are.

Ironically, while we were trying, I decided that since I wasn’t going to conceive, I may as well get myself healthier. So I was eating better and exercising more. Then came the sickness. Not even morning sickness. All damn day sickness. So the healthy eating stopped, as did the exercise. Did I mention the all day sickness? Blech. I don’t know if it’s being older or what, but I did not have this the first time around.

My first trimester diet pretty much consisted of three things:


Super healthy, right? I’ve been able to eat some fruits but can’t stomach vegetables. Didn’t think I’d ever want to eat a salad so bad!

So here I am at 16 weeks. Out of the first trimester and starting to get my appetite back. Bring on the vegetables!

House Party!

*Full disclaimer: I received free products for hosting a House Party (details below)

I hope you hear House Party and think the same thing I do . . .

Much less eventful, I had my own House Party in January. Quick tutorial, House Party is a company that organizes parties from companies (usually popular brands). You sign up and say you want to host a party and then wait with baited breath to get selected. I think I signed up for House Party years ago when my boy was a baby so that I could get free diapers. Every once in a while I’ll get an email from them so when I saw a party for Eat It To Beat It, I jumped at the chance.


Have you heard of Eat It To Beat It? It’s pretty self explanatory but if you want more, check out the website. The Eat It To Beat It book was written by the David Zinczenko, who wrote “Eat This, Not That!” It gives healthier options to popular food choices, and also discusses why items are unhealthy. In my House Party gift pack, I was given a free copy of the book to keep and an additional one to giveaway. I haven’t read the whole thing but I have looked through a bunch of times. It focuses on brand name product substitutions – instead of X brand of cheese, eat Y brand. I’ve referenced the book a few times when seeking out better options, so I like that aspect of it. We’ve been trying to make changes at our house a little at a time, and I’ve found the book helpful with that. Did you know packaged shredded cheese contains wood pulp? Yeah, wood pulp. Needless to say, the one change we made right away was shredding our own cheese.  Side note, trying to use the shredder feature on our food processor that I’ve never used, produced flying cheese and lots of fun for my son and I!

I could write much more about the book, but I also got lots of other good stuff in the House Party pack. (Continuing full disclosure: all these items were provided to me at no cost.)


I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do as the host of this little party, so I thought a taste test would be fun.

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So how did the products rank?

  • Tate’s Bake Shop Whole Wheat Dark Chocolate Cookies: The hands-down winner. I may or may not have eaten two. (OK, three, stop hounding me.) These cookies were good. I mean, seriously good. Like, I had them 6 weeks ago and still dream about them at night. Alright, I’m not a cookie psycho, I don’t dream about them. Much. Some of the comments were “light,” “crispy,” “sweet,” “delicious,” and “yummy.”
  • Endangered Species Natural Dark Chocolate with Cacao Nibs Bar: Most of us were surprised at how good this was. Chocolate? Always good. Dark chocolate? Not always good. We thought this was “smooth,” “pleasant,” “creamy,” and “sweeter than I thought.” The pieces were very hard to bite into. This is definitely a “let it melt in your mouth” kind of chocolate.
  • Endangered Species Natural Dark Chocolate with 88% Cacao: This is dark – 88 percent – and we found it too bitter for our tastes. I’ll go out on a limb and say for people accustomed to eating very dark chocolates, this is probably good. We’re not one of them, though. It also had a chalky aftertaste that wasn’t great.
  • Blue Diamond Lightly Salted Oven Roasted Almonds: These come in cute little 100 calorie packs. I’m all for anything that helps with portion control. As any nut lover knows, not all nuts are created equal. These were pretty good and a hit with the group. Not too salty but salty enough too add a little flavor.
  • KIND Fruit & Nut Nut Delight Bars: I don’t know about the rest of the group, but I am super picky about any kind of bars. I didn’t expect to like this, but it was very good. We thought it was sweet without being overly sweet. It was a little sticky so you definitely want to keep it in the wrapper. We had a few leftover so I put them in the pantry, and they were gone a few days later!
  • Vitalicious VitaBrownie Deep Velvety Chocolate mix: I baked these before the gang all arrived and the house smelled super yummy, so I had high hopes for the brownies. Unfortunately, they were our least favorite, coming in at a “weird texture,” “too cakey” and had a “strange aftertaste.”

A little off topic of the House Party, but I am proud to say that my six-year-old joined us for the taste test and gave his only five rating to the pomegranate seeds I added to a fruit salad!



Well, it only took me six weeks to get this on paper (so to speak). All in all, it was a good time with good friends and family, and good food.

Do Over!

I’m thinking one of the best parts about being a kid is the do overs. Trip up during jump rope? Do over. Miss a basket playing HORSE? Do over. Forget a number while counting? Do over. So what I want to know is, why do we stop doing do overs as adults?

So maybe there’s not an option to do over after eating an entire pizza, but why wait until Monday to get back on track? Or worse, wait until a new month begins or even a new year? “January is only three months away; I may as well just wait until then to get back on program.” (I may or may not have actually said that.)

When I’m not tracking (and sometimes when I am), I regularly get off track, for lack of a better word. But I’ve been trying to look at things day by day, meal by meal. This means I can get back on track immediately, without giving myself the excuse of “I can’t start over until tomorrow so I may as well just blow through the rest of the day.”

I saw this quote on Facebook and it really hit home:

“What you have to remember is that changing your eating habits is a process of recommitting to your goals each and every day. Anytime you lose sight of that and start focusing on what’s going wrong, you’ll take yourself away from the life you want to lead. The key to overcoming your eating problem is to remind yourself that at least you’re taking today (or this afternoon or this hour) to move toward your goal.”*

I’m nowhere near the end yet, but I have made a lot of changes that I’ve been able to stick with. But, it’s something I have to think about every day.

So for me, it’s taking things one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time. And that’s OK because I’ll get there eventually.

* The quote is from the October 2000 O magazine, Emotional Eating: Get Your Feelings Out of the Fridge, a piece by Bob Greene. Read more: 

Truth Be A Five-Year-Old

Kids say the darndest cruelist meanist truth.

Do you have kids? If so, you’ve more than likely been in a situation where they blurt out something completely inappropriate about someone. Despite having many conversations that we don’t talk about how people look, once at a restaurant, my then-four-year-old shouted out (while laughing) “look at that guy’s fat belly.” I was horrified and immediately apologized. I felt terrible for the man in question. Of course, the thing is, he did have a fat belly. You see, children, maybe due to lack of a filter, speak the truth.

And it sucks.

My stomach has been bothering me all day. I have no idea why, just one of those tummy ache days. So after dinner tonight, we went outside for a little two-on-one baseball action. My kid asks why I’m not running the bases. I say that I have a stomach ache. He says, “probably because you’re super fat.”

So there it is. I know it shouldn’t bother me — kids say things out of line; they don’t know what they are really talking about; another excuse. Bullshit. The kid speaks the truth. OK, I might not be “super” fat, but right now, for the way I feel, I may as well be a circus act. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, the super fattest woman in the world.

Now I’m not sitting here crying. I’m not mad at the kid. I’m not really much of anything.

No, that’s not true. I’m angry. I’m angry for being this weight. I’m angry for not working harder to change it. I’m angry for being lazy and having little self control.

And let’s be honest, I’m a little angry at my kid, who I’m sure thought he was joking, for telling the truth.

Hungry Hungry Emily

“But moooommmmm, I’m SO hungry.”

“You’re fine. You are not going to die of starvation.”

This is a conversation I’ve had countless times with my son and it got me thinking. If he’s not going to starve from not eating for a couple of hours, what makes me think I will? Yesterday I was sitting at work and the second I felt hungry I turned into a crazy person — I have to find something to eat, what am I going to eat, I don’t have a snack, OH MY GOD I am going to starve!

You know when you hear about people having an out-of-body experience? I had the same thing. Except instead of seeing the white light, I saw myself in the Hungry Hungry Hippos game (you remember it, the hippos have to gobble up the marbles). It was quite the vision.


Of course, I wasn’t going to starve. It was 10:45. I had eaten breakfast only a little while earlier (although, granted, maybe not enough) and was going to eat lunch a little while later. But instinctively, as soon as I felt hungry, I was ready to eat. But I didn’t. I had to consciously think about it and said out loud (albeit quietly since I was in my cube), “You can eat lunch after 11:30. Until then, you’ll just have to deal.” So I drank a cup of water and for the next 45 minutes thought about how hungry I was. Then I got caught up with something and missed my 11:30 time. I didn’t even notice until it was 12:30. Hmmm.

Here’s the thing, and this is just my opinion so feel free to disagree. I think when you are trying to lose weight, it’s OK to feel hungry. If losing weight is largely due to a decrease in food consumption (or calorie consumption, whatever) then don’t you have to be hungry for it to work? For me, part of this journey is not just the realizations but accepting them as well.

So there will be times that I will be hungry. I know there’s a meal coming somewhere behind so I don’t need to panic and I don’t need to start eating whatever I can find. I can be hungry and not turn into a raging lunatic. There will be times that I will be hungry and times that I feel full.

Sometimes I’ll choose to eat and sometimes I’ll choose not to. Whatever the case, I need to be in charge. Food is not the boss of me!